He met me where I was at - Pt. 2

I was sitting in a networking group last week and one of the questions that was asked was about a good leader. A colleague mentioned one of their best leaders was a middle school youth leader. As he started to speak about why this leader was so impactful he said, “because he played video games and hung out with me.” Basically, I guess, he met me where I was at.”

When we remove unspoken and unrealistic expectations we have placed on people, what we are doing is removing the ceiling and barriers that they place on themselves.

That is what we do. When we meet people where they are at.

The quote I shared with you last week,

"Meet people where they are but treat them like they could be what they should be."

Tony Robbins

has been so powerful and great to wrestle with this last week.

My initial reaction when I read this quote is to think about myself. Think about all the times that people have done this to me negatively. Like that time my boss used negative reinforcement to try to motivate me. Or maybe that time a friend pushed me away because I was too needy. Or how about that time that someone said I’ll never amount to anything more than what I had already done and that I was an idiot for leaving.

I lived in this reality for a long time. I have a considerably high energy, extremely positive disposition, and optimistic outlook on life. It is just who I am. But I’m human. And so, I’m not immune or spared from the lows of life, even though it seems from the outside world that I’m constantly living my best life. I’ve had people put these false expectations on me, these ceilings of sorts, that have prevented me from maybe feeling like I can just be myself or express myself in the ways that I want. So, I’ve hid my lows and tried to just deal with them by myself. It did not turn out well for me and got me into a deep dark place. If you haven’t been following along and heard my story before, I’ve linked it for you here to check out.

Pause!  

This is important. I am a HUGE advocate of the belief and logic that you control your own attitude, your own actions, and your own response to the world around you. I spent a lot of time in therapy working on this and understanding that I needed to stop giving so much of my daily response and reactions to other’s words, feelings, or emotions towards me. This is NOT what I’m talking about today. I’m speaking of how we treat OTHERS!

There is a story that brings this quote to life for me. It is the story of the woman at the well. A well-known bible story, the one where Jesus is thirsty and asks the Samaritan woman for a drink.

When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?”

John 4:7

The first time you hear or read this story, you take it at face value. You learn the easy lesson to gather here that is, If you drink from me you will have eternal life. But as I’ve gotten older, read this story multiple times, and listened to some amazing pastors and commentators wrestle and explain this passage, it is so much more than that. 
The significance that I think is missed, because we focus on the dialogue, is that Jesus is sitting with her. There is so much power in his posture. Sitting requires us to be still. To be patient. To maybe be in waiting of something. Jesus waits for her at the well. Waits for her to pour him a drink, waits for her to start the conversation. Jesus really does meet her where she is at.

When we meet people where they are at, we do 2 things.

1. We remove unspoken expectations.

2. We remove unrealistic expectations.

As we go about our lives, we have our own opinions, ideas, and expectations of reality. In today’s culture I like to think of it as I know my truth. And our truth extends to others and the way we view them. We naturally do this. We place these ceilings of sorts onto people. These unspoken and unrealistic expectations are not like your traditional glass ceilings. No. I like to think of them as manhole covers. Large, heavy, solid. Incapable of being easily lifted and you’re unable to see through them.

By meeting someone where they are at, we remove the unspoken and unrealistic expectations.

We just accept them for who they are, and more importantly, for who they are not.

The best part of this is that when we remove OUR stuff, the ceiling that is placed on them is also removed. Allowing them to grow.

"Empathy begins with understanding life from another person's perspective. Nobody has an objective experience of reality. It's all through our own individual prisms."

Sterling K. Brown

People want to be seen. I want to be seen. YOU want to be seen. We all have a desire to be seen, to be heard, to be known. As a kid, you are fighting for the attention of mom and dad in your home, trying to stand out along with the other 20 kids playing on your team, and in school you just blend in with the other 800+ kids, and it gets harder and harder to be seen. As adults we have the same needs and with technology, media, family, friends, work, etc. everything is fighting for our attention and all we want is to be seen.

So, what if we took the approach of my colleague’s youth leader, and we just met people where they were at. We released expectations and just sat with people. We have a model of it. The Human One did that for the Samaritan woman at the well. And he still does it today with you and me. We just have to stop and listen, be present and be still.

This week I leave you with a challenge. Who are you going to sit with this week, and meet them right where they are at? Who needs to be seen in your world? Share those here. 

And if you need to be seen, to be heard, to be known, that is what we are here for at The Human One! We would love to walk with you and be a support system for you as you work on realizing your true identity of being Human. You can reach out to us here. 

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Thank you for sharing.

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